i hate boys, men, males period.
where to begin? my goodness! so many people blew me today. i dont even know where to begin.
my boyfriend didn't talk to me all day. not that i spoke to him either but he was the one to say "don't talk to me for 3 weeks" and he pissed me off last night when i called and tried to break the ice. fuck him. yeah i know u read it i know u see this i know what i just said. fuck u. its how i feel so i'm saying it. he doesn't talk to me all fucking day then when he does its some smart ass shit " tonight on e...ricki williams leaves abusive boyfriend and now lives a happy and productive life" smart ass. that shit wasn't funny. and if u can say some shit like that then u must know your semi abusive y not fucking change the shit? asshole. omg i can't stand him..i can't stand u..sometimes
so then i'm chillin with miss miss in the chat and layna's there and she starts this convo...
ok so my honest opinion of layna..i think she craves attention..i think she's confused...i think she's in search of something and thats y she's chosen the life style that she's chosen...
i'm sorry but i know a lot of gay people now..and y would anyone broadcast their sexuality and wave it like a flag to initiate convo?
"omg i'm so gayyyy and i'm horny and i need to fuck a girl right now" what is the point of that shit?
i think she thinks its cute and she loves the attention it gets her. she can't even explain clearly her reasons for being gay to me. i understand other people..i understand i really do..its about companionship mainly..for her i think its just sexual. i really do. she confuses the mess outta me but i guess i just gotta try harder to understand her...
anyway..she comes in the room startin all this "excited teen age boys dreamin about girl on girl action" convo and then it gets kinda serious cuz they start trying to figure out what makes a girl be gay. then they start sayin some off the wall ignorant stuff..i mean..i'm not gay and the shit was pissin me off...then the convo turns to racial stuff.."white people are weird"
what the fuck does that mean? some black people are weird..any person of any race can be weird. "y do white people sunbathe" y the fuck do black people bleach their skin? what a fucking ignorant ass comment. I hate that so many people have lived such sheltered lives and they are content with being ignorant. why aren't people open-minded and willing to not judge and be willing to learn about the unknown instead of assuming? omg i kinda hate them. i doubt i'll ever speak to that group of people again. who knows..maybe i'll get over it. i doubt it though. ignrance turns me off. as soon as u say something dumb..and i can tell your not willing to educate yourself about the topic..i'm disgusted and throughwith u. sooo...9 times outta 10 if they speak to me i'll be rude and leave.
i really like missy. like i knew she was cool. but dang...i'm talkin to her and renita more and more recently and i really like these girls. very smart women. i love em.
i'm so confused about this boyfriend shit. shit like this..when our fights are like this..and he makes stale ass jokes about the shit..it makes me not wanna be here. like i really think i'd be better off alone sometimes. more and more i'm begining to hate the male species period. they do dumb shit. they are so clueless as to how women think..how I think...its gross. they think all it takes is a lil dick and the girl is happy. fuck u. i can't stand u. (not u aggy i'm talkin about boys in general so dont go trippin)
it pisses me off that if u nicely reject them they dont get the point then when your a bitch about it they hate u and talk shit. y cna't yall just take no for an answer and move on?
boys are stupid. i'm thoroughly convinced.
my boyfriend is like the only un stupid boy...he doesn't seem to think with his dick...his upper brain works but...he's still a pig headed jerk too sometimes. sometimes i think his heart is cold.
lol now i'm gonna cry. i wish he was happy with me. if he is i can't tell lol
even tho he's been here 2 years despite all the horrible stuff i've done to him. i haven't been the best girlfriend :-
maybe i should call. say sorry and forget about our fight. act like it never happened. man i dunno what to do. not even sure how i feel about it lol
all i know is i forget about it..then he does some dumb shit like earlier to piss me off. i dunno did he think his comment would make me laugh? was it his way to make convo and get us talkin about it? if so shit aint work. i thought it was insensitive..i thought he was trying to comment on me...and say thati was the one with issues..and ithought he was tryna make me feel guilty for feeling hurt by the things he does. make me feel like i was the one with the problem adn was overreacting..i dunno what i thought..all i know is it pissed me off.
guess i'll call him later..doubt it tho...maybe i'll just go to bed. who knows
i'm sure i'll end up calling him. omg..so he says that lame ass shit..i didn't know if i should comment back to him or not..so i didn't..then eventually i do and his stupid ass away message "okie dokie.." like "o well i tried...fuck ya" but..i knowwwwwww his ass was at the comp cuz i signed on aim..and he didnt go idle for like another hour so i know he fuckin saw me...but he aint say shit..silence aint helping us one bit buddy.
i haven't said a word to my mother in 3 days. i can't stand her either. maybe if she were a better mother i wouldn't be such a demented ass child.
2002-04-14/11:35 p.m.