long time no type!

I guess I'm back? I'd like to become a d.land regular again, hopefully I'll keep this up.

2007 and I'm determined to clean my life up. I'm going to save and invest, and rid myself of people who don't positively impact my life or appreciate me.

I'm tired of burdens, and I'm tired of always smiling, accepting people, because they carry the title "friend" but don't always act as such.

Desiree is the one that broke the camels back for me. She's been my best bud since '99. For a long time I truly believed that we'd be good forever, but she treats me like garbage. She is such a NEEDY person. Ever since I've known her, she's been competitive for attention. In group settings she would whine or bitch if I wasn't focused on her the whole time, or if people focused on me more than her. No matter where we would go, or what the situation was she always found a way to make it about her! (kinda like Star Jones ha!). For example, one night Malik had a show way out in the boonies somewhere - initially Desiree was not invited because Malik hates being around her due to her negative attitude and annoying ass antics - but she begged and begged so we let her come. She's in a great mood the whole way to the show - as soon as we get there she gets quiet, starts mumbling at the table and bitches the rest of the night about how miserable she is and wants to immediately go home.

Last year (which also happened to be my last diary entry) she pulled the most disrespectful shit ever. At 24 years old Desiree had never been on a plane, never gone on a road trip, and NEVER been outside of the D.C.area. For her birthday my boyfriend as a gift for both she and i, purchased round trip tickets for her to fly to Atlanta. He planned a big weekend for us, the night she arrived my co-workers and I had a strip club party that she wanted to go to because she had never been to a strip club before , and the following days we planned sight seeing, dinners at expensive ass restaurants, and clubbing. First, she flew to visit with NO money. She had $5 dollars in her pocket. Desiree has always had a job as long as I've known her, sometimes 2. She has finished her degree and has worked full time as a elementary school teacher making a decent salary while living at home. Whenever we go out somewhere she NEVER brings money. She always has an excuse and I have to come out of pocket. Yes it was her birthday and we volunteered to pay for everything - but what if she had an emergency getting to us? $5? Anyway - her flight arrives and my boyfriend and I go to the airport to pick her up - she's in SUCH a great mood. She's excited talking to Elmer joking around. We get to my apt to get changed and everything for the night and she sits in a corner and won't say anything. About 10 min later Fleming and a few others arrived to my apt and she became a bit more social, then immediately sat back on the bed and stopped talking. We finally leave and go to the strip club *the baddest bitches in atl btw* my boyfriend pays for everything. Cover is expensive - like $20 per person, and a few drinks. She asked for an apple martini, the waitress brings it over and she's like i dont want it anymore and moves to a table by herself and won't say anything to anyone. She started whining that she was miserable, and sat in a corner. Finally she gets in a good mood again, and every 5 minutes has her hand in my boyfriend's face asking for more money for strippers, drinks, and whatever else. He spent over $500 on that girl to ensure she had a good time. When we got home she didn't say thank you, said she had a shitty time, and just wanted to go back to DC. The rest of the weekend she acted the same. I let it go. To this day she has never said thank you.

This past thanksgiving was the final straw for me! I was in town for 4 days. I spent most of the time hanging out at bars with my friends in Adams Morgan. Desiree ALWAYS asked to tag along and of course left me with the bill. (btw, my salary is significantly less than hers and my rent and addtn'l bills are higher). One night we're at this bar and I met a lot of guys. One of which I really liked. He was respectful, a sweetheart, well educated - he was awesome. The following day he asked me out on a date. He and I were to meet at 8pm for dinner at a small tapas bar 15 from my home. Desiree and I had plans to go to a club that night and see my friend's band play where her boyfriend worked as a bouncer. I told her I would meet her after the date. She said she was bored and miserable and asked if she could come along on the date. I called him and asked if he would mind - he said he didn't and invited one of his friends and that was that. Desiree lives an hour from the tapas bar where we were meeting the boys. I told her at 5pm, Des, please be ready by 7. We have to be there at 8. I got to her house at 7:15 and she was sitting in her sweatpants and still hadn't even gotten into the shower. I told her I was leaving her and she begged me to wait and got dressed. Once we got to the bar and met them, she had the guy buy her a drink. Both my date and his friend were awesome - they had great conversation, they were gentlemen, they both made a genuine efford to include Des in the conversation and ask her about who she was and what she enjoyed, she took her drink, sat in a corner at the bar, and stared at the wall. After 5 min she got up, walked to me, told me she wanted to go home immediately and started bitching until I got up and took her home. We had literally been at the bar for maybe a total of 15 min. I had to drive her ALL the way back home another hour. Which cost me about $50 in gas to and from. transporting her when she was not invited from the start. She always does stuff like that to me and is so inconsiderate. She always has her hand out asking me for money, or a favor, or something, and never appreciates it. I'm fed up.

I'm ending my ongoing saga with a lot of my male friends in DC too. I don't understand what I keep them around for. There has not been a single progression in their personal lives - no promotino at work *if they even have a job* no increase in salary, no investment in their futures, half of them still live at home with their mothers! All they wanna do is hang out and have fun. You're adults now. Even the ones that have attained successful careers, when they get home from work they're still losers!! sit at home and smoke weed all day always talking about what you're gonna do and what you're gonna get. you are a fucking loser.

I'm considering going back to school. The art institute here excites me. Its a prestigious university that has a mix of conventional and unconventional courses. Based on your major and the specific course, you have a project targeted towards a business and the project is then presented to the business at the end of the course. A lot of the students that are in the advertising field *which is where I'd like to go* had their projects picked up at the end of the semester by major companies such as MAC, Target, and BEBE and were used as marketing campaigns locally. I'm thinking about it - ya'll know I hate school.

I've gotten 2 promotions at my job since the last time I typed - but I'm looking for a new one. Maybe the same job title with a different company. The last time I went home one of my friends took me to this mad expensive new boutique hotel in DC owned by Kimpton Hotels. I'd like to go into that possibly - hotel management. I'd really like to work for their company specifically but they don't have any hotels in Atlanta yet. I've considered moving home but I'm not sure, blah.

My ideals have changed a lot about what I'd like for my life. When I was 18, I always envisioned myself as some power woman, in some CEO titled position somewhere jet setting across the globe, work work work! But its really not what I want anymore. I want a family. I really want to be a stay at home mom, and I know thats lame, but it warms my heart. lol cheesy i know! I don't want to waste my talents, and sit at home and be idle. I'd like to support my husband's career. Assist him, possibly run an office from home. I just know I want to be more available for my children then my mom was for me. When they call me and need me I want to be available to immediately respond. I never even wanted to be married! Its crazy how we change as we get older. I really thought I'd be a super pimp forever rotating this guy and that guy, in a position of control.

The guy I met in DC over thanksgiving, he's really cool. Less than a week after I met him, he flew to Atlanta because he said he couldn't stop thinking of me. Just like that. I met him on a Friday night, went on the desiree disaster date on Sat, Flew back to Atlanta on Sunday, and he flew into Atlanta on Tuesday. He didn't even tell me he was coming really. He called me monday night said - I really enjoy talking to you. I really like you a lot, I can't stop thinking of you. I've never been to Atlanta I want to come to Atlanta and see you soon. I am going to have my travel agent at work make arrangements to come to Atlanta and Tuesday he was here. He stayed for four days. I have a boyfriend here. I was honest with him about it. I told my boyfriend I had met a guy in DC. They butted heads while he was here but it was cool. It was kinda cool to have 2 men play tug of war over me vying for my attention. My boyfriend here is married - we all know this by now I guess. I've left the relationship many times and end up back in it. I don't know what it is and I feel like a jackass. But he's easily become one of my bestfriends. Before the relationship he was my best friend. And now, we're just so tight. He's moved out of his home with his wife, he stopped wearing the ring about 6 months ago. He says he wants to marry me. The guy in DC has also asked me to marry him. (already). makes me way cautious of him. He's a nice guy, great career, owns lots of properties, He always says to me "you are smart you are beautiful, I can take care of you. Your boyfriend now the ride stops here for you guys, he is married, separated or not he's married. I am unhinged with no children, no baggage and can give you the world" I flew back to DC for xmas and saw him while I was there. I have such a blast with him, when I'm with him everybody else disappears. I don't quite know what he does though, thats a problem. All i know is that he works for the World Bank. But we would go to restaurants and clubs and stuff, and people would just cater to him, and if i were meeting him, they'd card me at the door or ask me for a cover and he'd walk up and say she's with me and all of a sudden I had the red carpet rolled out for me - and that happened EVERYWHERe. its a little questionable lol. Maybe its from what I'm used to. The other guys i know that had it like that either played in bands, were celebrities, or drug dealers. And he is neither of the first two :-/

I'd like to purchase some property. My mom and uncle have mentioned giving me my grandma's house in DC. Itd be a great beginner project to flip. I really would like to purchase a condo here in Atlanta. I've grown quite fond of this city. If I do get married in the near future and am an at home mom - I would like to have created my own streams of income through investing in the market and properties so I am not dependent on my husband within the relationship and also if for some reason i ended up alone.


I'm taking trimspa baby! Look! I lost soo much weight from aug - dec. I was back down to a size 6 like in HS. at xmas i had a stressfull period and i'm back up to a 10! so to quickly knock it back off I've decided to take trimspa, I really like it. I enjoy the gym also. I love love love running with my ipod and going for long walks outside at night I know its not safe but I love the night air, I love the stillness of the city. I can think quietly then. I'm thinking about joining Crunch so I can learn yoga. They have a bunch of cool classes I'm intersted in all kinds of yoga classes, a meditation class, and even this cycling class that has kareoke however you spell it, where the whole class sings the songs while they spin. i think that would be so much fun lol since i've taken up working out i feel so much better. I notice a differnece when I dont do it. I'm more agile in my movement, I feel lighter on my feet, my skin feels better, everything. I've also changed my diet, I've become a pescatarian and i'd slowly like to move into vegetarianism and then possibly becoming a vegan. Its really hard though finding the right substitutes for proteins and cooking them in tasty ways lol. Trader Joe's has awesome stuff though that helps, they have this terryaki tofu that is to DIE for, i made it with angel hair pasta and broccoli and it was really really good.
Back to the trimspa- i really like it. you only take 3 pills a day, unlike some other diet pills where you take up to 7 a day - there's a small amount of caffeien it totals like 1.5 cups of coffee vs the others that have like 4 cups worth - and has tons of good things like green tea and grapefruit extract, but it still makes me a bit hyper. Tonight Elmer and I went on a date - he's so good to me - two days in a row he's shown up at my house as a surprise without calling and taken me out - he showed up at lunch and took me to this awesome raw bar - then we went to the ritz carrolton for drinks and dessert so I only ended up taking one pill, then when we got home I fell asleep and woke up like oh no i feel guilty maybe i should take another pill, so I did - and now of course I'm hyper. I considered going to the gym but i think i over did it today, I ran for an hour and my stomach muscles are ACHING, and i know i'm gonna go run in the morning before work, and again before i go to bed tommorrow so... so i decided to do some stretches and check email and ended up on d.land. I thought about Renita. I think of that girl all the time. I'm such a bad friend though. I really really really suck at keeping up with people. But i think of important people to me all the time, and Renita is one of them. So i signed in to read up on her and make sure she was ok and decided to write myself!

I love Aggy. He's saved my life this past month or so. When I was in a crunch he took care of me. I went to visit him in Charlotte during one of Elmer and I's off periods. I don't know what he wants and it makes it hard for me. He is so important to me.

i'm going to bed.

2007-01-15/11:57 p.m.