I'VE FINALLY KICKED MY HABIT OF FEEDING OFF OF SOMEONE ELSE'S FAT
the days events:
after finding out ant's big secret the other day today he has the nerve to email me saying "if i asked u to be with me would u"
what the fuck is he thinkin? i mean
when i met him like 6 months ago i guess..almost a year now maybe..i was like ugh who the fuck is this loser? then me and him got to be real cool..he said he was single..he knew i had a man..and we were just "friends" we used to have soo much fun! actin silly and stuff..then he ups and disappears offline for like over a month. now he's back..i guess..not too sure and he says the reason he stopped coming online was because he couldn't face me...face me? i was so lost..he said he was too ashamed of himself bc he had lied to me. Ok..so i knew he was still with his baby's mommy cuz i'm not dumb and it didn't matter cuz I HAVE (had ..we'll get to that in a sec) a man and we were just friends..and I thought he was tryna get with missy! andddd he used to show me his convo's with chicks he was talkin to online..wtf?
but anyway, he was fucking MARRIED and he was embarrassed that he had behaved in such a neg. way i guess and he didn't want to talk to me cuz he felt like a fool. He thought i wouldn't believe anything he said ever again and not want to be his friend. that was yesterday or two days ago..i can't remember now..everything's all mushed together...so today i check my email and its one line.."if i asked u to be with me would u..yes or no question"
what the fuck is that?! UMM ISN'T YOUR ASS MARRIED?! i was fucking blown..y are u bringing me into this shit and i've never even met u in person....all I am is a online personality ( and i felt stupid cuz my bf had said the day before "just cuz u dont wanna be with them and they gotta girl and kids doesnt mean they wont fall for u" i hate it when he's right..)
anyway..ant and i are talking and i'm trying to understand him and he hits me with all this stuff that was like..whoa...i didn't even know what to say..i didn't know he felt the way he did..and things were so bad in his life..i told him he brought it on himself bc he let people (online people he didn't even know) into his mind and heart in places that were solely dedicated to his wife...he said his wife had said the same thing and he felt like crying...he said he was giving up AOL bc he couldn't handle the things it did to his family...i said i agree..he said he'd miss me..i'll miss him too...he told me he loved me...i cried....
he signed back on twice after that and talked to me like everything was normal..so i'm not sure if he's off aol for good or not...he confuses me.
so my boyfriend...after not talking to me for hours...IMs me "stop trippin"
Umm i'm sorry..but if on saturday u say..dont talk to me for 3 weeks...then sunday u say "u even said yourself u pissed me off" and your obviously mad at me..then on monday u sign on and are online for hours and don't fucking speak to me...i'm gonna fucking trip! what the fuck do u expect?
then we get in this fight bc he says i'm "obssessed" with my online friends..he can't talk to me on the phone anymore because i'm too busy talking to them..and as long as i am talkin to them dont' talk to him. Ok..basically to me..that says yourfucking jealous. U feel neglected and your jealous of AOL..not my damn problem. only reason he wasn't online was cuz he couldn't pay for the shit...then when he did get it back..he was on for a few days now i think the only reason he wouldn't get on is to fucking prove a point to me. he said "y do u still talk to these bamma ass people" umm..werent u cool wit em too? When u were home on spring break didn't u fucking sign on and talk to these "bammas" too? don't u communicate with them on bp and dont some of those fuckers still IM u? yeah..mmhm...exactly what i thought.
I'm sorry mr. i'm so fucking addicted to bp i make a new name every god damned day and hide them from my girlfriend...didn't know u were "better" than me.
so we're arguing over this shit..and i'm sorry...i may not know missy and renita in real life but i have much more to talk to them about than u.
andddd they are supportive when i need to talk unlike u mr "i told u so...who cares..stop whinin...your an idiot"
way to have my back there buddy : )
AND U SAY ALL U WANTED WAS AN HONEST GIRL WHO ACCEPTED U FOR WHO U WERE...DAMNIT HOW CAN U EXPECT SOMEONE TO ACCEPT U FOR WHO U ARE IN ENTIRETY IF U CAN'T DO THE SAME?! U EXPECT SO MUCH FROM ME..ASK ME TO DO THIS AND BE THIS..AND DO THAT..IF AOL IS A PART OF ME THEN GODDAMNIT U LEARN TO FUCKING ACCEPT IT! I PUT UP WITH YOUR MEAN ASS NON EXPRESSING HOW U FEEL ABOTU A PERSON UNLESS ITS NEGATIVE "BIG NOSE..YOUR TITS ARE TOO BIG..I THINK YOUR AN IDIOT" ASS CUZ ITS WHO U WERE...U BEEN THAT WAY SINCE FOREVER..U TALK SHITTY TO YOUR MOTHER...Y SHOULD I EXPECT ANYMORE?
I ACCEPTED YOUR SITTIN IN YOUR HOUSE IN THE SAME DAMN CHAIR IN FRONT OF THE SAME FUCKING TV EVERY DAMN DAY BC ITS WHO U WERE AND U AREN'T A GO OUT ON THE TOWN TYPE PERSON
I ACCEPTED YOUR "ONLY WAY YOUR GONNA SEE ME IS IF U DRIVE CUZ I HATE DRIVING TO YOUR HOUSE TO SEE U EVEN IF U ARE MY GF..U WONT SEE ME THE WHOLE FUCKING SUMMER UNLESS U FIND A WAY OVER HERE" FUCKING ASS
do u REALLY know what the fuck i've gone through to do the shit i've done for u? i dont fucking think u do. DAMN NEAR HAVING MY MOTHER KICK ME OUT CUZ SHE'S SO FUCKING AGAINST ME BEING WITH A MAN WHO WOULD RATHER HAVE ME...HIS GIRL DRIVING AT 3 AND 4 IN THE MORNING THEN HIM BEING A MAN AND DRIVING CUZ HE'S TOO FUCKING LAZY TO GET OUT HIS GOD DAMN CHAIR..TO GET HER CAR TO COME SEE U...i'm fed the fuck up. i don't give a fuck. fuck u. its ova. i can do bad bymyself. u aint give a fuck about me. y should i give a fuck about u
" I ONLY STAYED CUZ I DIDN'T WANT U TO FALL APART IF I LEFT"
don't do me any fucking favors buddy. i dont need it.
I FUCKING FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR SISTERS CUZ THEY CAN'T FUCKING LEAVE U...AT LEAST I CAN ROLL....K..USED TO TELL ME TO LEAVE YOUR ASS ALL THE TIME..I DUNNO IF ITS CUZ SHE AINT LIKE ME..OR IF SHE AINT LIKE U..BUT "MY BROTHER IS MEAN..MY BROTHER IS THIS..IF IT WERE UP TO ME I'D TELL U TO LEAVE HIM..I THINK U SHOULD LEAVE HIM..HE'S A JERK...LEAVE HIS ASS"
ASHLEY CAN'T FUCKING STAND YOUR MEANESS EITHER. U R ONE MEAN ASS SPITEFUL MOTHERFUCKER. THAT SHIT AINT GONNA GET U NO FUCKING WHERE.
GOSH y'd i waste 2 years?
bitch.
my girls are my girls..i love em...lol
weather is so nice..ima go out and PARTY MY FUCKING ASS OFF this weekend.
whew! i feel betta just thinking about it.
and omg..@ knuckles.pressed ass..tryna get with me already lmao
sad sad boy..doesn't he know i hate men? its gonna take a lot to get me to get with one of yall fuckers. head is all i need..i'll call an ex for that..companionship? fuck u. i dont need the type of companionship yall give. all yall are is a fucking headache. hurtful ass motherfuckers.
OMG at all my cursing lol..this is ridiculous..i guess i'm really mad lol
ok..i'm gonna go watch "Hell's Kitchen" now..Angelina Jolie..yumm....she could get it. LOL!
OMG LAST BREAK UP "I'M SORRY..U DONT HAVE TO BE WITH ME...JUST AT LEAST ACCEPT MY APOLOGY..I'LL CHANGE..." BULLSHIT!
there will be no accept my fucking apologies this time...bitch
2002-04-15/11:54 p.m.