i feel better already !
ok..sooo i tried to go to bed early tonight especially since i have to be at work kinda early and i tossed and turned for 4 hours! i tried i really really did. its impossible for me to sleep. i need prozac.
ok..so i guess i was extremely mean in my last entry and i take all the mean stuff back. But i don't take back the things i said about him learning to accept me for who i am...
look..he says he knows me better than i know myself. so if he knows me so well he should understand my reasons for being online. seriously! he knows how i feel about my female friends. he knows i get urges to blab my mouth to someone about my problems. he knows i need attention.
1. when i talk to him about my problems he usually brushes the shit off..aint willing to listen..tells me to shut up..or calls me an idiot eventually.
2. when i wanna be random and act silly he tells me to shut up and if i dont hell get of the phone or end the convo in IMs.
3. attention i need...where is it coming from? damn sure not him. Not positive attention anyway ( happens once in a blue moon)
can i get a...i'm happy to talk to u today...your special...your beautiful...damn...
like a week ago he said "ricki williams washington"
couple weeks before that "it'll take something major for me to leave u"
then yesterday " i only stayed cuz i didn't want u to be miserable without me"
ha! what a fucking fool
don't play with me. I know i made mistakes in the past...but i've come a long way. I treated him the best i knew how eventually and tried to do right by him. but he just couldn't handle AOL....*sigh*
AOL lol...guess AOL was something major...maybe i shoulda given up AOL and just CHEATED lol
i cheated..he forgave me...i say no i will not stop chattin on AOL he leaves me LOL!
who woulda thunk it.
I'm sorry...but i don't think he ever loved me. I think he cared about me. I think he was comfortable. I think he settled. I don't think it was ever TRUE love..no matter how long he stayed after I did horrible things to him.
Love is accepting people and all their flaws...its about sacrifice and dealing with annoying habits. Its about support and helping to uplift someone..not put them down...I'm sorry..i didn't call people idiots till i met him...he said it so often to me it became a part of my everyday vocab. A lot of his habits rubbed off on me.
again..i'm not too sure how i feel about this. i haven't been too intune to my emotions recently. usually i can target what is bothering me...whether i'm angry disappointed..etc..
i've been angry like everyday..a lot of people who were in my life that i loved...i've now removed..or they've removed myself..for some i guess i'm glad..others it sucks a little bit...but i'm sure its for the best...i'm not stressing over anything anymore. just put it in GODs hands and he'll take care of it...i'm not trippin..
I wish people would stop bothering mis mis about her sexuality. she is who she is..love her or hate her..if u dont like it step. don't go talkin shit to her. she's the same person no matter who she loves. and she's not hurting anyone. as long as she's happy y do u care?
ah well...lifes a bitch and then u die
(i think i cursed less...good..lol..i hate foul language LOL )
2002-04-16/4:52 a.m.