attempt number 1
I IMd him today...i felt horrible.
i dont want him to hate me and i dont want to hate him. I love him..how could i just let 2 years go and not feel anything?
everything in our relationship wasn't bad. we used to have so much fun together. the only times it would really get "bad" for me is when we would argue. when we were together omg..i've never had so much fun with a person.
i remember once when i was visiting at his school i was having an issue and all crying and stuff....he came over to the bed told me he loved me and i was his bestfriend...i know he meant it. i know it was hard for him to say too..he's not all that mushy lol
i remember..
today when i IMd him asking if we could remain friends he said no. i hadn't even expected him to respond to my IM bc i knew he hated me.
we talked a little i guess..mostly me whining and him asking me to leave him alone. i guess i can be classified as a stalker cuz i kinda wouldn't leave him alone and i doubt i will.
i asked him how he could just hate me ..just like that..and not care
he said that i was the one that didn't care "miss emancipation day"
i think he thought i was making a joke out of our relationship emanicipation day as in i'm free of my relationship. no that wasn't the case at all..emancipation day is a holiday just declared by Wash. DC...
lincoln emancipated the slaves in DC a lil earlier than he did all the other states. 3,000 slaves in DC were freed. its a holiday now..they had parades and stuff downtown..fireworks : )
i never went. i was too i dunno what i was lol i was in a weird mood.
i think a lot of the reasons y he hates me is cuz he misinterpreted a lot of things i said in my diary.
he like hates me! omg
i feel sick
he doesn't have to take me back. just be my friend.
i knowww i wrote some f'd up stuff..but hey..i was angry. we all do and say stuff we don't mean sometimes when we are angry.
he said he had no respect for me...i feel like dying.
i thought we'd be married in a few years...who woulda thought he'd not even respect me
i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. i really did. still do.
o well...
i think..i dunno...its all my fault i guess...think i let too many outside forces in and that affected some of my decision making.
let the record show...I NEVER MEANT FOR THINGS TO GET THIS FAR. I NEVER MEANT FOR US TO NOT BE TOGETHER. I ESPECIALLY NEVER MEANT FOR HIM TO HATE ME.
i'll never hate him even if he hates me lol
i'll always love him.
maybe i can still send him a card or something for his graduation..gift or something
he'll probably not accept it..throw it in the street like he did my roses that time lol that went under the snow plow
LOL we've gone through some stuff
can't believe allllll of its over
i'm proud of him. hope he gets his job he wants and everything works out for him.i'll always wonder.
y am i talking like i'll never speak to him again? i'm gonna IM him later tonight probably cuz i'm a stalker at this point i guess lol
he said he didn't wanna hear anything i had to say "nothing even matters at all"
that quote comes from a song that means i love u so much nothing even matters.
well yeah aggy.."nothing even matters at all"
i'll love u no matter what through it all..i dont give a fuck about anything else. i love u. always will.
2002-04-17/7:00 p.m.