I love my friends
i really need to talk to my boyfriend. The big day is saturday. I'm scared.
We haven't really discussed it other than the first timeI told him. I'm really not too clear on how he feels about all of this and whether he backs me 100%. I'm assuming so since he hasnt' mentioned otherwise. I'm scared.
I need to know he still loves me. I need to know he'll be there. What am I saying? I know he loves me. While i was at his school with him, he told me he loved me alot more than he has in a really long time. He touched me a lot more we argued less and he was just really sweet. It felt really good. I really really really love my boyfriend. I really really really want to spend the rest of my life with him. I really really really need to get my shit together so that i can. He completes me. My other half : )
When I'm not with him...it doesn't feel right. All night last night and today..i craved his touch. Sometimes i just wanna hold his hand. Sometimes i just wanna be able to turn around and see him standing there. *sigh*
Hopefully we'll get a chance to really really talk about this situation tommorrow before its too late. I know this is the right decision for us right now...there's so much we both need to do before we can start a family but it still sucks lol
Ant is a nut case. Thats all i've gotta say about that. I think he may not be speaking to me ever again and thats fine with me. he really disgusted me today. He was telling me about his sons...and how they fight now..and he said now they curse...one of them said "shut up bitch"...they r 3 year olds lol.
He didn't understand why they were cussing but he curses in front of them.
I told him that when u have kids you've got to change your habits. things that u used to do u can't do anymore for their sake. You've got to be more responsible and teach them the difference between right and wrong. If his little boys see daddy curse ..they are gonna copy daddy bc they think what daddy does is right and they should be just like daddy. He told me he was a grown man and can do whatever the fuck he wants. He said that theory that kids copy their parents is bullshit.
I told him he was irresponsible its people and parents like him that have this society and our kids...especially in the black community so fucked up. If daddy doesn't know the difference between right and wrong and doesn't care to know and practice whats right how does he plan to teach his kids and they follow it? I told him if he thinks i'm wrong and he wants to live his life that way and be a bad role model he's not the type of person i would want to associate with then i signed off. I didn't sign off on purpose..i was at mom's school and the comp froze but i didn't come back. I had nothing to say. Maybe he's mad at me. I don't care. Maybe he'll change and be better. I'm convinced he smokes weed around his kids now. He's a big ass loser. and I feel sorry for the kids. I hope somebody else enters their life that can guide them the right way cuz daddy isn't. Daddy wants to go back to the street life. Way to be a father. He makes me sick to my stomach. What an ass. I'll pray for him.
One of my friends told me she's attempted suicide before. She got beat in a past relationship, now she has this really really good guy who loves her..wants to marry her (she's 25 and settled) but....she thinks based on her past that he's too good for her and she doesn't trust him and she wont let the relationship progress. he's there for her through everything but she's scared. I'm gonna call a minister at my church to work with her. I'm worried. I can't believe she's attempted suicide. Where was I? Where was her mother? I'm praying and so is she. She's gonna be ok....i know she will. She's gonna lead a happy life as soon as she lets God in and gives him control.
LOL! @ will and grace. so funny
anyhoo i'm gettin sleepy.
adios
May 16th, 2002/9:22 p.m.