its over ITS OVER NOW its over ITS MY TURN NOW its over THE GAME'S SHUT DOWN...SO SORRY!
So today we broke up. I do NOT understand y we go through this all the time. As far as I'm concerned he is THE MOST selfish person I have ever met.
Ricki: "What are we doing this evening?"
Rich: " If you want to do something y do i have to decide what we do?"
Ricki: "Well, I don't really want to do anything I kinda just wanted to come over...seems like u have an attitude with me so if u don't want to be bothered I won't come."
Rich: " I'll pick u up from work."
It was ALREADY established we were gonna see each other...anddddddd it seems as though there is room for conversatoin about going out since thats the first thing we discussed.
20 min later my friend, Samaira, whom I have not seen in over a year calls.
Samaira: "Hey Ricki! I miss u!!!! I'm in DC for the day with my boyfriend. We came for the Carribean Festival...wanna come?"
Ricki: "Dag Samaira! U alwayssss call me at the last minute, I have to work but i get off around 6:45. My boyfriend is picking me up so maybe we can meet up after. The four of us can do something."
Samaira: "OK that sounds good..well..call him..find out and call me back."
*sigh* this is where the drama begins...
Ricki: ** in a very excited voice bc she loves her friends they mean everything to her and her bf knows she's a people person and values her friendships and besides, she hadn't seen her friend in over a year they rarely talk she really wants to go and they have no plans for the evening anyway ** "Richard! My friend that I haven't seen in over a year is gonna be here with her boyfriend and they wanna go out can we go?!"
Rich: NO!
Ricki: Y not?
Rich: blah blah...u've been with me 2 years u know how i am stop asking...
*** freeze frame ***
we've gone through this numerous times. Yes! i know how he is. Yes! i know he is not a people person. Yes! he can even admit I've stopped asking him to go out with me and my friends..HELL! I stopped going out with my friends....SO IF I KNOW HOW U ARE AND U DON'T LIKE TO DO SHIT LIKE THIS AND I ASK...THE SHIT MUST BE FUCKIN IMPORTANT AND MEAN A LOT TO MEEE!!!
2 years! I know I've said it once and I'll say it again. I've fuckin done a lot for "us".
I know I say money doesn't matter but its principle...
All the phone calls made from DC to Syracuse...I paid for.
Majority of the few dates we've had (which i can count on one hand and we've been together 2 years) I've paied for.
PS2..i understand it was a gift..I bought it.
$200 hoody sweatshirt..that was NOT a gift.. was NOT a special occasion..purchased it bc he said it was cold and he NEEDED a jacket...it didn't have to be Coogi..it did not have to be $200..all he needed was warmth but he WANTED it so I BOUGHT IT.
When we got in the argument about the abortion and "principle" about how he never once even offered to pay anything..and he found out my mom paid he said "if i had known your mom paid i woulda done something..I'm gonna give her $200"
i said "i don't want your money its about principle"
he said "its not your money to want i'm gonna give it to your mother i dont' care what u say"
I MEAN THIS BOY GOT ALL UPSET AND ATTITUDY ABOUT IT..."NO I'M GONNA GIVE YOUR MOTHER 200 FUCK IT"
HA! I HAVE NOT SEEN $5!
** don't say shit u don't mean cuz i do remember and will bring up later..u know this and i know this...**
He doesn't like me going out with certain friends and goin to certain places he didn't like certain friends..he says i can go out and do what i want..but i know he hates it..I haven't gone out in a year.
He doesn't like to drive to my house.
He doesn't like to drive period.
If i wanna see him I gotta find a way over....that means me beggin for mommy's car and driving at 3 and 4 am..
Orrrr He WILL get me but I better pack a bag cuz aint no way in hell I'm comin back home lol (not that I mind bc i love being with him but its principle here!)
Out of 2 years I've never asked him for anything. Chase, can u honestly say i've ever asked u for anything? Honestly? Other than askin u to go out with me or to hang out with my friends? Isn't that the only time we argue about me askin u for stuff? Didn't i give up in the first year askin u to go out with us? Didn't I stop? Don't I just agree to come to your house and stay? I mean I REALLY DON'T MIND IT AS LONG AS I'M WITH U I'M HAPPY!!!!!
but my GOD MAN! out of 2 years..U can't FUCKIN GIVE ME 3 OR 4 HOURS TO HANG OUT WITH MY FRIEND I HAVEN'T SEEN IN OVER A YEAR?!!!!!
he's so selfish. All he cares about is himself and whether he's comfortable in his surroundings and how things make him feel.
when i was first gettin the abortion and i wanted him to be there he said..yes do u remember? u said "what does that have to do with me"
LOL
u fuckin ass.
I got sent home from work today for bein "too emotional"
We broke up 5 min before I left the house for work. I told them i'd be fine I just need to work to get my mind off of it. Tony told me take the day off...besides i've got a 50 hour work week next week plus tommorrow i've gotta work 9:30 am - 8 pm..So i left.
I'm fed up. I'm tired. I love him and I don't want to be with anyone else but i can't deal with this. There are things i just NEED. And he is not willing to give it. ONE FUCKIN NIGHT! lol
gosh!
when u graduated and u left me each night to party with your friends and get drunk..I understood. I understood u were leaving them..u wouldn't see them for years..It was special..U had bonded with them..u wanted to celebrate..I understood..go have fun.i'll sit here in your dorm by myself and watch tv or something and be ready to please your sexual whims when u get back bc i UNDERSTAND!
U KNOW HOW IT WAS WHEN U WANTED TO GO PARTY WITH THEM ALL THE TIME?
U KNOW HOW IT WAS DURIN GRADUATION THE FEELIN OF NOT SEEIN THEM AGAIN?
HEY CHASE..IF JB CAME INTO TOWN A YEAR FROM NOW WAS ONLY HERE FOR THE DAY AND U HAD NOOOOOOOOOO PLANS WHATSOEVER U'D MAKE A WAY TO HANG RIGHT?
SAY JB AND TV MIKE COME TOGETHER...U'D GO RIGHT?
SAME FUCKIN SHIT!
y can't u be there when i need u?
Y can't u suck the shit up just one night and give me what i need?
OMG!
I'm fed up.
*sigh* If he apologizes I'm sure I'll go back like the fool that I am.
But I'm REALLY fed up. I'm tired of goin through this mess. I'm tired of beggin.
When he said I wouldn't go i said "If u aren't goin...cuz i refuse to be 3rd wheel...i'll take somebody else"
he told me go ahead but see what happens...
ITS NOT LIKE I'M SLEEPIN WITH THE PERSON I GO WITH..WE WERE JUST GOIN TO CHILL! SHIT..HOW U GONNA GET MAD ABOUT SOMEBODY PUTTIN IN WORK FOR U WHEN U AINT WILLIN TO DO IT YOURSELF?!
its like a reg day job..if u aint gonna work..somebody will be waitin in the wings to take your place.
I don't even HAVE anybody to take. LOL
I have no more male friends i can call on the drop of a dime..I let the all go remember? Or did u not believe me?
lol
yeah i've been home all night. I had to threaten u to get a response and u still didn't care. *sigh*
what about in the future...when we r in our careers and we may have affairs with our jobs where we have to bring dates...I REALLY wanna go into the fashion industry..there are ALOT of parties...Once we're married are u really gonna send me out to those affairs alone just cuz U R not comfy?
gosh man. I hate u. lol I hate u bc i love u and the shits not fair.
One night thats all i ask...I don't think i'm being unreasonable.
I'm fed up and i give up.
goodnight.
2002-06-29/11:26 p.m.