Praying u grow into a better man...
OMG! i hate my cousin's computer. I just typed a freakin' book and now nothing is here and I'm starting from scratch..ok here we go...I don't feel like re-typin all that stuff bc i've got quite a few things to get off of my mind so I'm just gonna be brief... - comp is def. dead - dude, i bought a Dell - turned 21 on Aug 5th Ok...this weekend I'm house sitting for my cousin who has gone to Vegas for a bday party. She doesn't really need me to house sit but she's lazy and wanted me to come clean...works out bc there are a couple of perks in it for me... - she's paying me - I have my own place for 4 days - I have a comp while I wait on the Dell to arrive (lol i'm such an addict) Well, I got here on Thursday didn't do anything (cursed out papa john's manager in training (wbtw doesn't speak barely any english), underage assistant manager, manager, and district manager bc I think they are all dumb), I cleaned up part of the place and I slept. Friday I slept in and then went to dinner at my friend's mother's house. Today (Saturday) *sigh* I had PLANNED on doing something really special for my boyfriend but he fucked that up..and tommorrow I'm going to work and then leaving. Thursday night my friend Desie stayed with me... We had planned on having a fun packed night full of Sex and the City reruns (seasons 1 - 3), pizza, hair, skin, and nail stuff, and gossip lol. We called Papa John's to place an order. The guy that takes my order (who I later find out is a manager in training) can't speak english. Now..regardless of weather he is in a potential management position or not..y is a person who can't understand english nor speak it...who can't communicate with the customers efficiently..answering phones and taking in orders? How does he expect to spell out street names correctly for their drivers? Y is he being trained for a management position? When a distressed customer calls what is he gonna do "No hablo Ingles" till the caller just gets so frustrated they give up? Is that Papa John's tactic to get rid of angry customers who are demanding free food? Goodness! lol Then after waiting an hour and a half for the pizza (may i add the place is less than 5 min away) I called to find out where it was...papa john's is closed..their driver is lost..andddddddd the order is WRONG! I was pissed. Then the assistant manager tells me that the company does not give their drivers cell phones or even require that they carry one so she has NO WAY to get in contact with him and find out where he is...She has to wait for him to call her from pay phones that really fucking pissed me off. How are u gonna run a business with such a high turnover rate for new employees that DELIVER stuff and not be able to contact your driverS?! What if he's brand new and doesn't know a procedure..u realize u forgot to tell him how to do something and u need to call before he reaches the customer? What if he gets robbed or his car breaks down how does he call the manager and let them know? What the fuck type shit is that? By this time I'm pissed. I haven't eaten all day It's 11 at night everything is about to close in this area including Micky D's and we have to make a decision..leave and get our own food since we've been waiting for like 3 hours by this point or allow everything to close while we wait for papa john's (bc at this point our order is free) and risk not eating if it doesn't show. We call papa john's pissed we yell..and go to wendys lol. The next day they gave us our original order free and a coupon for another free order. HMPH! serves em right for causing our bellies such distress lol. Friday was a breeze...except I call my boyfriend...ask him "Ru gonna come over on Saturday for my surprise bc I'm AT THE STORE NOW. LET ME KNOW IF YOUR COMING BC I DON'T WANAN BUY THE SHIT IF YOU AREN'T!. Mind u...i've been telling him I was plannin something special for him while i housesit since MONDAY and everyday I asked "are u gonna come over saturday..are u gonna come over saturday" HE KNEW that I was house sittin and planning it bc on Wednesday when I went over his house with my mother i asked him AGAIN and he said i was gettin on his nerves for asking so much...Mind u he KNEW where I was bc on Friday when I called to remind him (after i reminded him again on thursday) he said "stop asking! u ask me every 5 min) Mind u..I called him FROM THE STORE and asked if he was gonna come so I could buy the stuff cuz I didn't want to waste my money and he said YES I'M COMING! HE KNEW I HAD PLANNED SHIT FOR SATURDAY. SOooooooo Sat. rolls around I call him around 11 am so I call bright and early to tell him what time to come over so he can do what he needs to do all day and be ready for me..I call and he says "I DON'T KNOW IF I'M COMING I'VE GOT A LOT OF SHIT TO DO" WHAT THE FUCK DO U MEAN U HAVE A LOT OF SHIT TO DO?! I'VE BEEN TELLING YOUR ASS SINCE MONDAY...I WAS PLANNIN SOMETHING FOR SATURDAY...TOLD U EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY THIS WEEK...AND GOT YELLED AT ME FOR ASKING EVERY 5 MIN...I CALLED FROM THE STORE BEFOREEEEEEEEEEEE I BOUGHT THE STUFF TO MAKE SURE SO I WOULDN'T WASTE MONEY AND HE SAID HE WAS COMING..WHAT THE FUCK DO U MEAN U HAVE TOO MUCH SHIT TO DO? WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T U HAVE PLANNED YOUR WEEK ACCORDINGLY TO GET IT OUTTA THE WAY..Y WOULDN'T U HAVE PLANNED YOUR SATURDAY SO U CAN GET SHIT DONE BEFORE U COME OVER SO U CAN MAKE IT OVER AND DO SHIT ON SUNDAY TOO IF U HAVE TO AND COULDA DONE SHIT ON FRIDAY EVENING...WHAT THE FUCK DO U MEAN AFTER I CALLED THE DAY BEFORE I SPENT ALMOST 50 DOLLARS TO GUARENTEE THAT U WOULD COME..I COULD'VE DONE SOMETHING FOR MYSELF WITH THAT 50..YEAH ITS NOT THAT MUCH MONEY..BUT ITS PRINCIPLE...THATS 50 DOLLARS I COULDA HAD IN MY ACCOUNT STILL..THATS A PAIR OF SHOES...PANTS...A DAY AT THE HAIR DRESSER...SHIT I COULDA DONE FOR SELF...BUT I DID IT FOR US...DID IT BC I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR U WHICH I HAD HOPED WOULD HAVE MADE UUUUU HAPPY WHICH WOULD HAVE MADE ME HAPPY...I DID IT BC I THOUGHT IT WAS A NICE GESTURE AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD FOR USSSSSSSSS ESP AFTER I COMPLAINED ABOUT THE ROMANCE BEING LOST...I DID IT BC I WANTED TO SHOW U THAT I LOVED U...BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO U WANNA BE A FUCKING INCOSIDERATE ASSHOLE! hell yeah i'm pissed..hell yeah i broke up with his ass...i cant do this for the rest of mylife..i see how u treat your family..i see how people do shit for u...little shit that u take for granted..and u complain i've never seen u say thank u in the 2 years i've known u...if u treat your FAMILY that way y would u treat me any different? i can't deal with that..i cant' spend the rest of my life with that..shit my drive me to commiting suicide..cuz i try sooooo fucking hard to please him and seems *like i do the shit in vain. I had planned a really nice evening man...I bought a dress cuz I never dress nice for him...like a nice dress..got my hair done...bought dinner that i was gonna COOK BY MYSELF AND I DONT F'ING COOK I HATEEE COOKING...cuz i knew if i did it myself it was from the heart...sun-dried tomato alfredo with chicken over fettuccini....chocolate cake..bottle of wine...candals....blah blah u get the idea..thought it was a sweet gesture after i had given the romance is dead speech..i thought it would be a nice intimate evening for us ...i thought it would show him i love him and i want to make him happy always...i thought it was sweet! I don't do fuckin shit like that! I'm not a fuckin romantic i'm a fucking asshole when it comes to guys..I'm this way for HIM and only HIM never been all mushy and girlie till I MET HIM...was scared to give myself to HIM in the begining and cheated then when i realized he really loved me and I GAVE HIM ME COMPLETELY he doesn't fucking appreciate it. I TRY SO DAMN HARD! OMG! I try sooo hard. I can't even type anymore I'm so upset. How could he have taught me to love myself...he taught me how to love him but he can't love me back? Saying u love me doesn't prove it! SHOW ME! what have u done to show u love me other than be faithful (which i'm not even fuckin sure about) that doesn't mean u love me that means your fucking content! U only love your fucking self. ANd u can't even see that. GROW THE HELL UP so much shit..so many faults..so much fucked up shit u do...all u do is take take take take..u taught me how to love u so u could take..u dont fuckin give shit... if he grows up...see's his faults and learns how to love me back i'll be with him bc i swear i love him with all my heart and soul..but i'm dying in this relationship. I'm going crazy It hurts me like hell when i do shit like that and he does inconsiderate shit back...*sigh* maybe i'm over reacting ...but lil shit thathappens everyday that makes me upset the shit adds up then i fuckin explode..maybe i'll get over it...cuz we know the pattern..we break up just to get right back together..but i'm not sure if i can do it this time..and its pointless cuz i get back with u..i'll get back with u bc i'm lonely...bc i'm used to fillin my time with u..bc i think your fun..bc i love to look at you bc i think your beautiful...but deep down i wont be happy..deep down I KNOWWWWWWWW this shit isn't working and i'm dying but i can't let go and i keep runnin back but this shit is like a fucking waste of time...Whether he believes it or not i'm ready to love someone who loves me back and be committed and he can't seem to do that and i'm tired of waisting my time. I'm tired of going through this...I can't let go of him but I'm tired of this shit..if he can't change I can't be with him and he says he won't change its who he is...but y can't he realize that learning to give a little...to appreciate the shit people do for him..learning to say thank u..doesn' tmean he's changing as a person..doesn't mean u lose yourself...won't change you it'll just make u nicer more lovable and more likeable lol....it'll make u a better person not a lesser Chase...it'll make u more of a man but your too dumb and blind to see that. man i'm done. i know you r gonna read this and when u do if u understand what i'm saying...if u can do it..call me..if u can't ..i love u...i always will...and i hope u find someone who can accept u and your flaws but i can't. good luck to u...hope things go well in your career...love u.
2002-08-17/6:50 p.m.