he's gone for good i guess....
i'm here twice in less than 24 hours WOOHOO!!! But i'm not feelin to dandy...
He called today, this morning, and instead of wanting a break he just doesn't want to be with me anymore.
Throughout this relationship....this whole 2.5 years...he says i haven't changed. It's the same ole shit...which is true and then at the same time its not. I hang out with guys i've known for 10 years (not on a reg. basis..but i do hang out with them). A couple of them call on occassion...
Ever since the beginin of the relationship he has asked me to respect him by not goin out with guys, not havin them call, to avoid puttin myself in a position where temptation can take over. I've always said "ok..i'll try"
"ok i'm changin my number" and it lasts for a couple of weeks and i'm back to lettin a few people call...but i RARELY hang out...i've hung out with TWO people durin this time...john...my friend since 6th grade..and Ty who ive known about 6 years...and i've only gone out with them a handful of times....shoppin..shit like that....
To him, since is a repititive thing, not just one incident, some shit he's been askin me to stop doing for years and i haven't, i'm disrespecting him.
I understand his points, i understand his side, i understand how he feels cuz i'll trip if hes hangin out with some bitch, but...i really think i'd accept it....its like this....how can u stop loving somebody because they had a past life before u? Are people really expected to cut off loved ones they've known before they're current mate???? Especially when yall are FRIENDS....brotherly/sisterly type shit? Ok...sometimes maybe things can get a little skewed between friends, maybe one person can develop a crush for another, but isn't that something that can be worked out and squashed? its just like havin a dispute with a friend...u argue..u talk through it...u say why u feel the way u feel, y those things can't be done/said again, then u make up and work through it. Same as friends who sometimes overstep their boundaries in terms of disrepecting one's significant other...U DONT FALL INTO THAT SHIT...U PUT YOUR FUCKIN FRIEND IN CHECK..WORK IT OUT AND MOVE ON!!! aint shit EVER happen between me and john, or me and Ty and these niggas know as much as i love them and their friendship i'm not goin there cuz i'm in love with aggy....HOW IS THAT DISRESPECTIN HIM?! i could see if i wasout here laughin in these niggas faces....tellin them one thing clownin aggy behind his back then comin home to him talkin a whole nother game but i'm not.
What if....what if i had had a child before i met him and we still fell in love and got together...does that mean if i spoke to my child's father..or if my child's father and i went somewhere alone....say we went shoppin for the kid...or went out lookin for new cars, or car seats..AM I DISRESPECTIN HIM? is that something that is grounds for leavin me over?
i dont understand..aint it like the same shit??????
i know a girl datin a guy with 3 DIFF BABY MOMMAS....she loves this nigga....she aint rollin cuz she can't handle how her imagination gets the best of her thinkin bout all that temptation when she aint around...NO..she loves him....believes he loves her and fuckin WORKs to make shit work...cuz you'll fuckin miss out on the "one" when u leave over bullshit like "i can't handle u havin your friends from before me around bc i think it leads to temptation and i just can't handle that"
I dunno..i've read renita's diary..and nicole's .....Andrea is around...Andrea seems to come at Renita pretty hard...REnita puts her in check...keeps their friendship in tact and keeps STEPPIN.....Nicole gets bothered at the shit but she seems to trust renita and is secure in knowin Renita wont do shit to hurt her....
Aint that what loves about?!
he says ....shit like what happened at VIP u can't help....but its the shit i have control over like goin car shoppin with ty...
WTF happened that was out of control disrespectin him when i went car shoppin?
Lemme replay this shit in my head....
*ring ring*
Me-hello?
TY-hey ricki..its ty...long time no talk...
Me-hey ty...how u been?
Ty-pretty good..what's wrong u dont sound too good
Me-o i'm aiight...just a lil upset about some stuff goin on today
Ty-well i'm about to head to this lil auto shop place look for a new car...wanna roll?
ME-Sure i guess....if its not far
we get in the car..
his cell phone rings
Ty-hey baby...blahblahblah...yeah i'llc ome over later..blah blah blah....make sure u got on that lilnightee thing i love
Me-Ty u aint neva gonna change lol u and all these damn girls
Ty-yeah ima settle down eventually....i just gotta find her...too bad it aint work with my baby mother....
Me-how was sandiego and superbowl
Ty-it was cool...we had a good ole time..much needed vacation..SO MUCH ASS to be had
ME- U need to be careful..hope u strap it up....me and my friends wanted to hit all star weekend but i doubt thats happenin plus i know u know who prolly would have a problem with it
Ty-well if yall wanna go...i'm goin....u can come wit me and my menz if ya girls fake ricki....i'm goin back to cali too..u should roll
ME- now u know mommy and my bf aint goin for that shit... lol
TY-- yeah but the offers here...i'll get u a ticket if u say the word...
NOW...can U FUCKIN TELL ME HOW HE WAS DISRESPECTED?! LAWD!!!
Replay goin shoppin with john
we're in the car EVERY 5 SEC john's cell was goin off...DIFF FUCKIN GIRL
we have a convo...about him fuckin his best friend's gf...but he really likes her and he was talkin to her first and how he wants to know what he should do to get her with him...and i'm lecturing him on how its pointless cuz he aint gonna be wit just her and how he messes with too many to break them up just to dog her out...then we proceed to have a convo about another friend we have had since 6th grade..desario....john's best friend and how we were sad and wana do something to help desario and his lil sister bland and her baby out since their father been on crack and they got evicted and shit....DIZAMN!! am i disrespectin u babe? These niggas aint comin at me man!!!
WE ARE FRIENDS!!! do u knwo what a fuckin FRIEND is? obviously not cuz your cuttin me off....even tho i'm supposedly your only friend in the world...
i mean..i can understand where he's comin from....i really can...but when i'm lookin from my end and knowin whats goin on behind the scenes its just a lil hard to let it go when i know i'm not doin shit wrong to disrespect him or anything else...anybody who KNOWS MEEEEE knows about HIM...anybody who KNOWS me knows i'm on his DICK...anybody who KNOWS MEEEEE knows I'M NOT LEAVIN THIS NIGGA FOR shit!!! and that i'll do anything FOR HIM!!!
WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T heee KNOW THAT SHIT?!!??!?
its aiight tho....cuz this is a circle thats never gonna stop..him feelin one way..be feelin another and as much as i love him i dont know if i'm willin to cut off friendships for it cuz i honestly believe if its not one thing it'll be another....Renita is gay...Sonya is gay...Kiyah is Bi...Shannon is bi....sooo am i not supposed to be friends with them too cuz theres that chance in amillion they might flirt with me? or i might give in to temptation? wtf?! does it count for them too?! Waht about my str8 female friends..what if they hav a freak accident and want my body lol...guess instead of settin them str8 i'm supposed to just cut em off...even if i've known em since age 2 and they'd give me the shirt off their back and i'd do the same...COME ONNNNNNNNN
i dunno man..he's not wrong for feeling how he feelz...but i dont think i'm wrong either....i love him....he's my heart...dont know if i'll ever love anybody else this way again but its not gonna work...cuz i'm not cuttin anyone off thats not disrespectin me or him....nobody has put their hands on me....nobody has blantantly been like fuck your man...nobody has done shit wrong....so i'm not gonna cut them off just cuz u can't handle it..u either learn to love me and accept it...or we just part our ways...
<< "When you truly care for someone, you don`t look for faults, you don`t look for answers, you don`t look for mistakes. Instead, you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults, and you overlook the excuses" >>
i'm a firm believer in that...thanks for the quote renita..too bad he's not...
i love u too chase..and i also wish u the best....and as much as u say your nto gonna accomplish this or that or your destined to be alone i believe otherwise...you'll find that job and you are gonna excel at it....you'll also find a woman who meets all your requirements and is the epitome of everything u want...and she'll love u and hopefully you'll love her back...and you'll be happy :)
i truly believe that...thank you for everything u've taught me and i'm here if u need me too...i still love u...sorry things didn't work out...no hard feelings...and you are and will always be my best friend.
*muah*
2003-02-04/1:00 p.m.