NOT AGAIN..
today is just a BADddddddddddd day.
First, they make me come to work when i'm supposed to be on a vacation, then when i get to work i get fussed out for NO f'in reason, for shit that happened or didn't happen rather within our dept when i haven't even been there.
Then I come home, i see him online, and i say hello. I really wanna remain friends with him so i'm gonna make an effort. He says he doesn't wanna speak which is fine but it hurts a lil.
THEN Leah calls. She's crying. She just found out she was pregnant. AGAIN. Jeremiah is 3. Dave wants to have another baby Leah doesn't. She hasn't told him yet.
I'm a week late for my period. After hearin leah's news I'm panickin...we've been on the same bc....i got preggie last time on this bc...*sigh*
We're not even together and he "isn't tryna be malicious or anything but just doesn't feel like speakin to me"...his words.
Now all these memories of last time flooding my brain. I DO NOT NEED THIS RIGHT NOW!!! OMG...its hard enough tryna get my mind right to cope with HIM not being who he is to me...I got a weekend off ....i'm tryna figure out HOW i'm gonna COPE with not BEING WITH HIM....cuz its just whats expected...
I don't NEED to HEAR HIM SAY "what does this have to do with me" all over again. I do not NEED to pay for this shit all over again BY MYSELF....i dont give a fuck if i make more...if i havemoney in the bank..i dont fuckin form a baby by myself and shouldn't have to pay for it bymyself...I'M NOT PAYIN FOR shit! and i damn sure aint havin it EITHER!!!!!
I dont NEED to put a child into a situation where we aren't together. I can't have a child with a man who doesn't love me. I dont want our problems to affect our child. Its not fair.
i've got a headache. I'm takin a test on Friday..i've gotta.....i gotta kno....pray for me..cuz i dont need this.
2003-02-05/11:47 p.m.