i dont get it...
i'm not done....fuck man....2 and a half years...i really think you knew richard. i really think u knew along time ago this wasn't working for u and u couldn't do this. yet we had our fights, i'd give up something or try and give up something to make u happy, gave up on some of my battles i had with u cuz i just wanted to make u happy..like i think i really tried and u knew this whole time i wasn't what u wanted and u couldn't do this. Y weren't u just honest then? Y didnt u just say hey..u know what....this isn't gonna work...all the make ups and break ups....y couldn't u just say NO...u are NOT what i want...and leave me alone? u knew i was in love with u..u know i'm in love with u...u know i've based my future around u even if it is just in my head....u know this....y'd u let me keep getting deeper and deeper wrapped up in this shit when u knew the whole time? its almost like u used me as a blanket for your problems to keep u safe and warm ...secure and shit then when it heated up and u didn't need me anymore u'd finally let go and drop me like a bad habit..lol thats probably not true but thats how the fuck it feelz lol y'd u lead this thing on for so long? y didn't u just say FUCK IT...no more when u knew? i really think deep down u knew...u knewww this wasn't it for u....wish u had let me know lol ...even if u couldn't leave then..i wish u woulda have let me know how u were feeling..let me in on your big secret so i coulda left or i coulda stopped fantasizin about a future u knew was never gonna take shape....gosh man..i'm late for my period. y'd we have sex that night when u knew in the long run u wouldn't wanna be here with me? what a fuckin risk!! lol my god....in my mind it was ok..i wason the pill and if i happen to be in that 1% AGAIN and get preggie i knew it was with the person i had planned my future with forever....GOSh man what were UUU thinkin?? lol my lord.....*sigh* i'm goin to bed....night
2003-02-06/6:01 a.m.