2 in one night...
WOOHOO!!!
2 entries in one night...I'm doing pretty darn good guys!
Yes I have changed my template AGAIN for like the millionth time in a month but the last one took too long to load andddd it was messed up. I think I'm gonna settle with this one for awhile.
I'm having issues again like..with the mister....but he's unaware of them even tho i'm probably sure he can sense my mood...
I don't really want to talk about it here until I talk to him first because he'll probably read this before I get a chance to speak to him.
I will say this though...the other day when i spent the night...i dropped my brush. I went to pick it up...thought i lost it under his bead...and saw a 2nd bag...with a gift..identical to the one he gave me for valentines day under the bed. Yes i had chocolates...and a bear...and a card....along with the other set...and that bag didnt. YES i looked for a card. lol
But it still irks me...like..if it was a gift for mom or a sister...y was it hiding and y didn't they have it? It was 2 weeks after vday when i got mine. Maybe he's saving it for a bday...who knows...i shoulda asked right then and there but i didn't. Its just irking me lol....
alot of shit is irkin me....i still haven't had my period. I took a test. IT said no..that was a couple of weeks ago. I'm gonna take another and make an appt soon. It bothers me that he's so like nonchalant about the whole ordeal kinda sorta....like... the other day i told him i was keeping it. He sighed...kinda rolled his eyes...was like "whatever u wanna do". HE doesn't really say ANYTHING about it PERIOD...the most he's said is "whatever u wanna do..." and " i dunno y u didn't take that morning after pill..." wtf am i supposed to get outta that?
its not some shit that u can just say whatever u wanna do on man....THE SHIT AFFECTS YOUR LIFE TOO!!!
I don't fuckin get it..its not like fuckin buyin a pet fish or deciding on where to eat dinner lol...the shit is serious and will alter both our lives FOR EVER..how the fuck can u just say "whatever u wanna do" and be done with the topic?
for this...i'm not having it.
it sucks tho man...if i am this will be twice that i am now a baby killer and i know i'm doomed to hell forever. I'm a fucking murderer. I'm fuckin with God's work maybe a blessing in disguise cuz i'm a selfish bitch and worried about myself only.
I'm scared tho. I'm scared of what type of father he'd be. I'm scared of what type of family we'd have. I love him..i do....he's my best friend...but there's still soo much shit i can't deal with forever....
like his job...i dont want my kid to have a dad that works all hours of the night and is sleepin by the time he/she gets home from school...
i dont want a lazy ass father thats gonna sleep through the baby cryin and needin a diaper change and i have to do all thatshit alone...i dont want a man thats not gonna be patient with my child...i dont want a father thats gonna call my child bad and other shit like that....i mean who knows what type of father he'd be but from how he talks to me and the shit i see i'm not content with who he'd be right now....
*sigh*
shit sucks..i'm sleepy...i dont feel like typin anymore....
night.
Feb. 26, 2003/5:08 a.m.