frustrated
I've come to the realization that peole don't change. As much as we claim we do we don't. We may work on aspects of ourselves that others may view as faults...we may respond to things differently, or even find new methods of communication that are more effective... the things that fuel our emotions and our passions are the same. We are who we are and we can't change that. Stop trying to live life and be someone you aren't to please another. Its impossible It will just lead to unnecessary stress and heartache.
Accept who you are.
I don't know why we try so hard to remain active in each others lives. Well, I know why i try. i don't know why he tries. his heart isn't in it. i can feel it. I can hear it in his voice.
i'm tired of it.
i'm at a different stage.
like, i'm tired of having fun, and being silly, and hanging out. i just want to meet someone that i enjoy. That accepts me and my quirkiness, my silliness, my ranting and raving about my likes and dislikes and activites of the day. I just want a friend that will listen when i speak and not tell me to shut up. Someone that is open minded and knows what they want. Somebody that will encourage me and discuss my decisions wtih me and not just say "ok har har har ur a funny girl"
somebody i can go out with, hang out at art showings, the theatre, go to sports bars, watch the game, hang out at home, go dancing, out to eat.. somebody that can truly be a best friend.
i am tired of dating. i am ready for a boyfriend now. but i want to choose wisely. i don't want to go through all the shit i've gone through in the past.. a relationship and love should be happy and carefree.. not full of tears and pain and unassurance.
i want God involved in the growth of what comes next, I want to see God in my partner's face when i look at him... know that he truly knows what unconditional love and acceptace means and i the same for him.
2004-10-24/6:22 a.m.