i promise!
I, Ricki, vow to write everynight for the rest of the year (heh..i can do 3 months right?!). I know I've been lacking, don't know what my problem is. I've always got lots to say, tons of stuff on my heart, and plenty of time to write..i just...well i just don't. *shrug*
I've already told him but its still on my heart. He means so much to me. I was an idiot for 2 years. Blinded by my own pride and ignorance to see that he truly loves me despite his flaws. His flaws were all i allowed myself to see...maybe in an attempt to ignore my own, when there's so much good in him and there's so much he's done for me.
When he met me, i was a MESS! gosh I can't stress thatenough...I didn't know how to love..who to love..how to love myself..or even how to recognize love...so granted when he came along i didn't see him for what he was...He accepted me..he accepted my flaws..he accepted my pain....he accepted my wrongs i did to him...he accepted all my baggage...and he stayed. He stayed, he worked with me and he loved me anyway. The things i put on him...and the things I did to him...if the tables had been reversed i wouldn't have only left..i woulda talked BIG GLOBS of shit and maybe tried to get somebody to kick his ass ...He's taught me a lot and he continues to teach me...I love you Richard..i thank you and i thank God for u...who knows where i'd be without you...Marry me....
You say all i do is argue now a days and I dont even realize i do it. IF its true I'M SORRY! i dont know y i do it or what causes it...i guess there's something goin on with me that i'm not yet aware of...and its affecting how i treat u....i've been stressed alot recently and maye my wire is short...if i'm taking it out on you i'm sorry. All i wanna do is be happy with u...laugh, joke, and just enjoy you...love you...make love to u (and boy is the lovin good *wink*)
*sigh*
school is back in BOOOO!!!! lol...
Yesterday was Shannon's bday..i wasn't there...sorry...i love you and hope u had a good one....
I got another promotion at work...whoopee and a raise..again..lol
due for another one in a month or 2 too...gosh i love this job....lol!
hmm..anything else? A lot has happened but the only thing on my mind right now is him...I wanted so badly to see him this weekend and i didn't get the opportunity to..well i saw him friday but everything after that got fucekd up over a big misunderstanding...i was SOOOO disappointed...gosh...i'm crying now thinking about it...i misshim so much....i NEED to be with him everyday....its gettin to that point...i WANNA see his face everynight before i close my eyes...and his face is the first thing i wanna see when i wake up each day...when did it get like this?!!?! the shit scares me but its so wonderful at the same time....i need u boy..
yay! i found some cars today..i dunno what made me car shop but i guess i'm gettin ready lol I never WANTED a car before and now i want one..I actually got EXCITED huntin! lol i was ready to drive off in one lol
i saw a '99 vw jetta...white with tan leather interior..its the luxery version whatever the symbols are...4 door fully loaded...for 12.500..and then a '98 acura integra...blk fully loaded..for 13...but THE INTERIOR IS REd! who the fuck wants a blk car with red interior? i'm notfuckin drivin around in Lil'slappy's pimpmobile...o hell no...but i could always get the interior redone right? but by the time i do that shit i might as well haev gotten a better car...I can afford to buy brand new but i dont know if thats the best thing for me...considering i STILL wanna move to NY and go to school...i REALLY wanna get a place wth the mister and if he ends up relocating i WILL follow if he wants me to...and i dont wanna put myself in a tight spot if i end up having to do something espensive like that...and have to leave my comfy job...plus...ive only had a liscene 2 years! lol new drivers dont need new cars lol...but i LOVE the new altima...i might just have to get it lol
who knows...man..my goal was to buy the car in january..but I WANT THAT DAMN JETTA! i KNOWWWWWWW that shits gonna be gone in january...i can pay for it now but i dont have the downpayment..i mean i do but i dont...
i just used some of my savings to pay for the new roof on the house...and my books...and i kinda...went on this shopping spree...and i kinda spent well..alot and i'm blowin big cash...i need to chill on that account and let it BREATHE...if i keep pullin that shits gonna be gone and it'll be like it was never even there....i wanna be able to be comfy! pay for everything and still have a nice lil coushin for emergencys....*sigh* guess jetta go bye bye...NO WAIT!..i'm gonna ask my uncle first..lol..i forget...yeah...i'm gonna ask my uncle..maybe him and my mom will split the cost of the dp....and i'll do the rest...gosh i fell in love with the pic of that car (LOL!) maybe we'll ride out to the dealership tommorrow...i also saw a '99 camry and a 98' explorer sport...red....i've wanted a red explorer sport ever since he 8th grade...but i've gotta be realistic..parking is a bitch on my street...and i work till 11..and i know i'll contantly be over the misters and driving home late when all the parkin is gone...andi know i'm not good enough of a parker to squeeze that shti in tiny spots...its not ideal lol...if i move somewhere with decent parkin it'll work!or..maybe he can drive it and i can take his accord and we'll call it a day lol
*sigh*
Peach is so full of shit...she was supposed to meet me at montgomery mall tommorrow...i need to take some shit back to nordstrom and pick some shit up and she had never been there..then we were gonna go to Tysons..but HAve i heard from her ass? hell no...i told her she was gonna pull that shit....
my room is a fucking mess...like its not even live-in-able...i've been tryna seperate the summer to fall transition clothes from plain old summer and bag up all the stuff i dont wear for a shelter or good will or something and well...i've ended up only being able to do half ass jobs cuz something keeps comin up and i'm just not FOCUSED!i can't even walk in here...i've broken at least 3 toes and stepped on a sensor pin that went alllllllll the way into my foot that i tracked home from work...*sigh* i think i'm gonna hire a maid for a day to get this shit str8 while i'm at work one day cuz i can NOT do it..i just dont have the time...i've got class tommorrow then i work EVERYDAY after that...fuckin 13 hour shifts and shit...workin over 50 hours this week..plus class an homework? and i have this internet addiction i can't kick..no way in hell i'm fittin cleanin into my schedule....maybe i'll unplug the cpu..and act like its dead and force myself to clean...
we'll see...i c...myself...buying a maid for a day...lol
i'm goin to lie down...its 6 am i haven't been to sleep yet..and i've gotta study...i have an in class essay to write tommorrow and i dont even know the title of the shit i'm supposed to read lol..better get crackin'!
cya tommorrow..deal?
Deal....
2002-09-23/5:16 a.m.